Which do you think is more important: honesty or making someone feel better?

Question by : Which do you think is more important: honesty or making someone feel better?
Sometimes I answer questions in Diet & Fitness, and occasionally someone asks if they’re fat and either posts a picture or gives measurements.
A lot of times the person is obviously overweight. Not just chubby or in need of toning themselves or anything – like, they’re actually fat. And yet I’ll look through the answers, and people are all, “No, you’re skinny! Don’t be anorexic!” and all that, obviously intended to make the person feel better, and to give them the compliments they may or may not have been fishing for.

And this isn’t just about weight – I get the feeling that people are less than honest a lot of the time, for the sake of not making someone feel bad. And it makes me wonder how often I ask someone something and they lie to me in order to make me feel better. (Again, not just about weight – about everything.)

Your thoughts?

Best answer:

Answer by Bastian Park (박) -거만한 한국어- ㅋㅋㅋ
It’s weird that you mention that, because over the net, people are brutally honest and could usually give a crap about the person’s feelings.

Add your own answer in the comments!

11 Comments

  1. ⓜⓔ ⓡⓒ ⓔⓓ ⓔⓢ☜

    I like to tell the truth but also give a compliment. I prefer it when people tell me the truth but give me a compliment, so that’s what I do. And I don’t compliment them on things I don’t think are actually compliment-worthy. Almost everyone has something that deserves a compliment, though.

    *EDIT* I’ve been REALLY self-conscious before, and it always made me feel worse when people just told me I looked perfect or something, because they said that to everyone. It just makes you wonder more, and then you start to think the only reason they said that is because you’re ugly or something. It always made me feel worse. I much preferred it when someone told me something I could improve on and stuff, but also said something nice.

  2. кαяєη. ♥

    honesty.
    because than they’ll actually know the truth, & with the advice people get they’ll try to get healthier
    what i mean is, is that, if they’re really overweight for exampls, & on the verge of being obese, & they ask if they’re fat, i’d obvs say that they’re overweight & need to eat healthy or whatever, & maybe start eating healthy & exercise a bit everyday. i’m not the kinda person to be like “daaayyum girl, yo fat, lay off the kfc” or whatever.
    so yup.

  3. ranger_co_1_75

    You can be honest with out hurting someones feelings.

    Soften the blow. Don’t say you are fat, that is insulting and doesn’t do anything for you or the person asking. Say something like the medical insurance charts say you should weigh XX. Leave it at that, don’t say they are fat or skinny or what ever. You are being honest without hurting them.

  4. Michelle

    Everyone sees things differently. For example: my husband will see a girl and say wow she was fat and i will say…umm no she actually isnt. She is average. Or he willl say someone is ugly…and i will say what??? no way! So i think everyone sees people in a different light. You know what i mean? Some people see the beauty and some people see the ugly.

  5. ♥Lyssie♥

    i never like to hurt someones feelings but its always better to be honest. i mean you dont have to be brutally honest or try to hurt their feelings. thats mean.

  6. ℓαωℓ

    Honesty.

    :)

    I’m about just as honest online as I am in real life…I just keep my mouth shut more in real life.

  7. ▐▀▀▼▀▀▌ ► perod girl◄ ▐▄▄▲▄▄▌

    I’m fat..and I would rather you say I was fat….It’s just awkward otherwise. And when kids at school make some comment about someones weight when im their im always like ” Um, i weigh close to her weigth but I show my weight differently (and i do, I look less fat then the avrg person my weight and height) and she can’t choose how her weight is shown.

    People tend to suck up on here so they get choosen as Best Awnser and get more points :/
    I try to tell the truth and give 1 compliment or other comment to soften the blow..such as ” You are fat but I think its well distrubted on your face.” Okay, that sucked..more like ” No, your not ugly…your avergae..I like how you do your hair though.

  8. Mabby

    That’s a pretty good question, you know. I mean like ppl never really stop to think about if they should tell the truth or lie.. they just do one or the other.

    I think lying and telling the truth is on a case by case basis. You know like if someone is morbidly obese and could die then of course you should say the truth but say it in a way like you should start eating healthy and exercise is an important necessity.

    I agree with you. People do lie a lot. I’ts human nature I suppose. Sucks. But then again some people(like the ones fishing for compliments) are looking for the lie.. You just have to know when and how you’re going to say things

  9. ѕкуℓαяк ~ нσρє ιи вℓσσм

    It all depends on the circumstance. In the one that you described here I would be honest, but diplomatic, and would give constructive criticism. There’s no need to stomp on someone’s esteem and write that they look so fat they probably have to take a shower at a car wash, or something else along those mean-spirited lines, and it’s unhelpful to just say “no, you’re skinny!” when the person clearly does need to lose weight. I used to post my dance videos on YouTube and had my ego roundhouse kicked many times by people who wrote comments about how skinny I looked, so I try to be sensitive of other people’s feelings, especially when they’re young girls, but if they’re specifically asking for feedback about their size I will give it to them. Depending on the asker, I would write something along the lines of “you’re an attractive girl, but I think you would look and feel much better if you shed some weight,” and would then try to share any knowledge or tips that I have that might be beneficial to her (or him).

    In other situations where it’s impossible for the person to do anything at that moment to change anything, it’s best to just make him or her feel better even if it requires a white lie to do so. For example, at a wedding I attended last month the bride had a brain freeze and forgot her vows and sort of just stood there silently, awkwardly for a while until she remembered them. Afterwards she was clearly upset about it and asked me and others in the bridal party if the slip up had been noticeable, and even though it was, we all told her it wasn’t and assured her that everyone was too focused on how gorgeous she looked and what a beautiful, lovely wedding it was. She couldn’t rewind time and change anything, and this was a day she’d spent nearly a year and a small fortune planning, and we wanted her to soak up all the joy of it and not worry about something so minor.

    ~ peace

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