When deciding to get a divorce from your partner, one of the first thoughts running across your mind is likely, “Will this impact the children?”
Some children take divorce harder than others, but children are often quite resilient and have the ability to get through this life change when they receive the proper guidance and support from those around them, including both parents.
As a parent, you need to make sure you are doing what you can to assist your children with getting through this change that can impact their lives in many ways and acting in their best interests.
How to Help Your Children Overcome Emotions During a Divorce
Things may initially be quite difficult for your children because this is a change that they were not expecting. It is something they will need to get used to, but that does take some time. While things are often rough in the beginning, there are ways to make your children feel better throughout this whole ordeal.
Instead of fighting with your former partner, try to get along for the sake of the children, even while in the middle of the divorce proceedings. Avoid talking to your children about the messy aspects of the divorce.
Make sure you hear them out when they want to talk about their feelings over this whole situation.
Avoid Fighting With Your Former Partner
When two people are constantly bickering back and forth in front of the children, it can cause a lot of stress for them. They do not want to hear about the drama or problems that were going on in the relationship because those things can overwhelm them and make them feel frustrated.
You do not want to be the reason that your children are feeling anxious all the time. It is harder for children to accept the divorce when their parents are constantly arguing and talking badly about one another. It would only make the situation worse If you were to do that.
For this reason, it can be a good idea to attend counselling sessions with your partner so as to provide an outlet outside the home for grievances that need to be discussed.
Retired relationship counsellor and now wedding events specialist Ian Newman from Weddingcakessydney.com.au, says talking about problems is an invaluable form of therapy. They had this to say, “Involving a third party professional is a great way to gain a balanced resolution for couples. Sometimes an outside perspective is easier to listen to than someone who is directly invested in the relationship. It also keeps the issues from arising within the home where children could possibly get involved.”
Never Ask the Children to Get Involved
The last thing you should ever do is get your children involved in the divorce. You do not want to ask your children to pick a side because it is unfair to do that to them. Your children love both their parents equally and they should not have to pick who is better between both of you.
It is important to spend a lot of time with the children while doing things with them that help them forget about divorce in general. If you are having a good time with the kids, they are going to forget about those minor issues and focus more on making memories with you.
Discuss the Future With Your Children
Children do tend to worry about what will happen to them in the future now that their parents are no longer together.
Often children are far more aware of the situation than they let on, and this can result in excess stress for them. Extra stress can not only affect you mentally but can also impact your physical health. This is why it’s important to locate the root cause of stress and implement methods such as deep breathing, exercise and meditation as a healthy release of these emotions.
You may want to talk about the future with your children to help ease their minds a bit while giving them some exciting things to look forward to, such as future vacations and different types of activities that you would love to get them involved in.
Although plenty of changes are coming, you can get your children excited about some of those changes instead of making them feel nervous and anxious about everything that is going on.
Teach Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Children need to have a healthy way to cope with the divorce. Some children are good at handling stressful situations while others feel like they are breaking down because of the things that are going on around them.
Let your children know that you are available to lend an ear when they want to chat. You want them to know you are there for them at any moment.
Experienced home appliance company www.directappliancerentals.com.au are advocates of the importance of talking about difficult times such as divorce. They had this to say, “We believe that being able to verbally express emotions is beneficial for both parents and children. Creating an open channel of communication can remove the confusion that can arise for children when their parents are going through a divorce.”
If your children feel slightly uncomfortable when it comes to bringing up the topic of divorce with you and discussing the way that it makes them feel, you should ask them to write their feelings down in a journal.
You could review the journal at the end of the day and write some nice messages back to the children, providing them with the comfort and support they need during a time like this.
If you can focus on trying to keep things as normal as possible, you can get your children through the divorce process with the least amount of stress possible.
Try to talk things over with your ex about keeping schedules as predictable as possible because that is what will make the most sense to the children.
Although there are numerous factors that can impact a divorce such as infidelity, financial worries and heightened emotions, the wellbeing of your children is the most important thing in this situation and the best thing you can do to support this is to be there for them.
By following this advice, you will be able to make the difficult process of divorce easier for yourself and your children by aiding them in transitioning smoothly into this new arrangement.